hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
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