it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
