your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize
