I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
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