Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Randomize
