I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
