As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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