guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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