I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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