I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
