They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
