I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
