I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
