so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I want to stick my p in your. b.
dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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