so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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