Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Randomize
