it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Randomize
