I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Randomize
