Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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