wanna go halves on a baby?
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
