i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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