Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Randomize
