I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
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