i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
