I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
