I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
