Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
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