Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Naked Twister starts at high noon
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
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