it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
