Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Randomize
