So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Randomize
