I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
