And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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