This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
