oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
