can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
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