Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
