That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
