weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
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