pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
