Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Randomize
