What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
you traded sex for a burrito?
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
