you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize
