she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
