kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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