I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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