I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Randomize
