I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
