you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
In other news, I just burned my penis
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
