hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
whose parrot is this?
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
