OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
