If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
