Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
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