I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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