No awkward lesbian experiences without me
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
