her vagine was all disorganized.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
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