i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Randomize
