Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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