508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Randomize
