break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
