Only a mothe r could love this liver
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
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