I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Randomize
