I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize
