remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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