Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Randomize
