$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
