Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
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