Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
