Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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