HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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