At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
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