Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize
