I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
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